On January 10th, 2017, President Barack Obama bid us farewell and urged us to do all that we can to protect democracy and get in the ring to continue the fight for justice and progress. There was one ring a lot us were fixated on: the Barack and Michelle Obama wedding rings. When Barack choked up talking about Michelle, I know I choked up too. To have this Black man pay tribute to this Black woman on the biggest platform he had was something that touched me. The look he gave her spoke of love, adoration, commitment, respect and complete awe of her. What the world saw and felt was how we want to feel in our long-term marriages and commitment. It was a love letter read out loud for all the world to hear.

 

This website was my love letter to my husband and also a tribute to long lasting Black Marriages I see every day around me who reflect my #RelationshipGoals. Since we said “I do” in 2000 we have been blessed to learn and grow from couples in our lives. When Barack and Michelle got in the White House, I delighted in seeing them showing their love and admired what it must have taken them to build and sustain that kind of love.

 

I am writing this because we want what they have but we need to work on getting to our own #RelatioshipGoals and yes that does take work. How did I get to my own RelationshipGoals?

• Build together – support each other’s goals and dreams. The White House was not Barack and Michelle’s starter home. I hear from many people in their 20s/30s who need to get it (career, finances, travel) together perfectly and then they will make time for the right person. The Black couples who inspire me are proud of what they have accomplished together.

• Be kind to each other in your imperfections – I don’t deserve perfection from my husband but I do deserve kindness from him. And I know I have to also be kind to him.

• Argue and fight fair – don’t go for the kill. Watch out if you are dating someone who doesn’t want to take the time to argue with you and see your points of views but just wants to win no matter how you are left feeling. When you disagree assume positive intent, talk it out, and respect each other’s feelings. I have had many arguments these 16 years of marriage and they all end with us gaining more understanding of each other with no clear winner.

• Enjoy each other. Whenever we see the Obamas they show true enjoyment of each other’s company. If you don’t enjoy dating someone you sure won’t enjoy spending forever with them.

All of these things manifest themselves when you are dating someone you think is the one. Pay attention and don’t assume that the person will start doing these things when you are married. If you fall in love with someone who loves you back, is committed, and has shown you these qualities, you can get working on your own #RelationshipGoals.