Fifteen years ago I ran down the aisle with excitement to marry Andre Kearns My father in law performed the ceremony and our families blessed our union. After the excitement of the wedding our marriage began. We had to learn to communicate, compromise, live together, and support each other. These lessons I did not know then I have come to believe are essential to getting us to fifteen years.

 

• First I see Andre as God’s creation. That is to say, all God’s children have value and are deserving of love and respect and are perfect in their own ways. When I get frustrated I remind myself of that essential truth. Who am I to try to remake him, ha ha.

• Inviting God into our marriage and growing in our faith keeps us grounded. Yes Jesus is a fence surrounding us and keeping us protected. We pray, worship, practice our Christian faith, and serve others together.

• Treating him like THE best friend. Seems simple. I value and love spending time with my friends but I certainly am mindful that I am not putting them before my husband.

• Learning from the wisdom of elders, folks who have been married way longer than us. At our wedding my father in law shared with us that “marriage is sacred in a world where very few things are”. My dad told us to “take care of each other”.

• Spending time together is not just for the sake of passing time it really does bring us closer. We have morning coffee on the bench outside our house, take walks, talk every day.

• Speak each other’s love language. First learn what it is (see the book The Five Love Languages) and then practice it.

• Have friends who respect your marriage and offer advice centered on that.

• Get on the same page by planning together. Take the time to talk about your goals (financial, parenting, career) and then agree on how to achieve your common goals and how to support each other in reaching individual ones.

• This final reflection may feel out of order but there is a reason for that. Make sure your kids are not the end all/be all. People often say to put your children first. There is no love greater than what we feel for our kids. But I am mindful that being a mother to my kids has at its center the love I have for their father. The way Andre and I show our love, care for each other, and support each other is the foundation of our family. Our boys will grow up, go on out into the world, and we will still be in our house married to each other